"I knew I matured when I realized every situation doesn’t need a reaction. Sometimes you just have to leave people to continue to do the lame shit that they do."
I feel like I should let you guys know that I’m still alive. For the first time ever my parents and I are on the same page and can actually have some pretty candid conversations.
It’s great and yet also heartbreaking to see my Toby boy. He can’t really see anymore, hearing is slowly going, and he can’t get up or walk far on his own. But he knows me and seeks me out. He’s started eating again since I’ve been home, which he needs to do to be able to get his insulin shots. My heart breaks for him.
Thank god for my bff Megan. My shoulder to cry on. I’ve missed her terribly and wish and hope that her and her bf move back to PDX soon.
Trail running in Wyoming tomorrow, also going to Devil’s Tower. Haven’t been there in years and it was always my favorite place to go and get away from stress.
4 days left, then I have to say too many hard goodbyes. I need my husband. I hate sleeping alone.
It’s surreal being back in South Dakota… Also, I don’t know how to sleep without my husband. ugh. Great catching up with an amazing friend today though.
Aaaand in other news, fuck this 3,000 ft above sea level bullshit. I’m use to 0-820 ft. Trail running is going to be a hurdle this week. The short run I did pull off tonight wasn’t even worthy of being called a run. I jogged… Uuuuugh.
I need to just let my brain barf all over my blog for a sec..if you guys don’t mind.
I feel like all of this has been coming to a head for quite sometime. The depression, the stress, the anxiety. The emptiness, the self doubt, and the growing need to find solitude in nature. It’s been pointed out that this may very well may be one of my toughest spirit quests. This double edged sword.. A visit of goodbyes. And I am child not wanting to leave her safety blanket. I can’t imagine doing this alone without my husband by my side. But I am. I’m accepting the solitude and I am accepting the loss of my attachments.
I will survive, I will make it through this. But I’m not so sure who will be getting off the plane once I return to Portland. I haven’t met this person yet. And I’m not sure where I will have to go to find her.
Thank you kind follower for letting me see the good in things. I am fairly excited to do some trail running in the Black Hills! Though I imagine the first day out on the trails will be interesting…what with the elevation and all. It will also be weird running alone, no husband nor poodle. So if you trail run in SD let’s meet up.
I’m one giant ball of emotions this morning.
Thursday morning I will be on my back to South Dakota to say goodbye to my darling pup Toby. I can’t believe I’m going back, and I can’t get over that it’s time to say farewell to my special guy. This has always been the other shoe waiting to drop, and I am so fortunate to be able to go love him in person.
Dearest friends, dearest followers please keep him in your thoughts. I just need him to hold on for a day and a half. My only hope is to be able to give him one last ride through Spearfish Canyon listening to Bob Marley like we use to. <3
My followers who wear false lashes and live near a Fred Meyers..Go there now! Buy one get one half off bitches. Meaning, I got way too many sets for $1.50. This includes glue and other utensils, and a very wide range of brands. Finally getting to try Katy Perry’s lashes! Aaaand you can use coupons for this deal too!
A terrible day yesterday is the means for self love today. Spent the day so far cuddled on the couch with my husband and the show Frisky Business. Now it’s time for a rose oil bubble bath, mani, and pedi. I’m ready to fast forward a month from now. <3
I can feel you and you can feel me. I’ve been gifted this experience with several souls tonight. I feel blessed, and full of love. From California to Minnesota I love you both. <3